It's beautiful.

Magnificence. Part One

-SCREEAAMMMMMMMMMMM-

WHERE DID IT GO? YOU ABDUCTED MY MR. SNOWBALLMANPERSONS BODY.

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuure why not?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HIM?????? 

HE DOESN'T HOLD UP WELL UNDER STRESSFUL CIRCUMSTANCES

OR TORTUROUS EVENTS

I'M HOLDING HIM HOSTAGE.

AS WE SPEAK, PIKACHU IS GETTING VITAL INFORMATION OUT OF HIM.

ABOUT WHAT

BOUT YOUR OPERATIONS. 

AND YOUR PIE RECIPE.

I DONT EVEN LIKE PIE

YOUR CHOCOLATE PIE. :O

AND THE VITAL INFORMATION CONCERNING YOUR.......... ANTI-EVIL PLOTS.

WHO SAYS IM ANTI EVIL?!?!?!?!?

MUAHAHAHAHAHA

Hmmmmmm. Maybe we're on the same side after all.
We can't release the snowball dude's torso though.

No worries, pal. I've got him back.

The weak front was just a distraction. While speaking with you, I managed to rescue him without a hitch.

Oh, really now? How did you get past the weasels with chainsaws, and the diglett (dugdug, actually) guards? Not to mention Pikachu.

With my zombie-ninja on a dinosaur fighting skills.

What you don't know is that was just a distraction. An actor, if you will. The real dude is in our secret lair.

Funny, because we exchanged our secret handshake that took over 250,000 years to complete.

Because it was his clone, who knows everything he does but works for us. Also, he has a strange fascination with tomato products. It's a weird defect. But otherwise, they're the same.

I just squirted ketchup at him and he didn't respond in a particularly obscene fashion. 

That's because we trained him hard well enough to resist the urge. Besides, you squirted catsup. He only likes ketchup.

If you read the text correctly, you will indeed find I used ketchup.

Except for the fact that pikachu stopped time, switched the labels, and then poofed away.

I used an unlabeled container.

But at the same time, pikachu removed the container and replaced it with an identical one filled with catsup.

But I knew that would happen, so I used a different bottle.

But, you see, since we cloned him, we have no need for him anymore. His clone(s) know all.

Are they learning machines?

...Sure, why not?

Then it reacts in negative ways when I treat mine negatively.

Muahahahaha

Hey, I still have the teleporting pikachu that apparently can freeze time now.

But I have a Glinda bubble that resists all forces.

I doubt it can resist THUNDERBOLT 2.0

You're right. It can resist anything OVER 9,000 and TO INFINITY AND BEYOND.

Well, you see, Thunderbolt 2.0 is TURNED UP TO ELEVEN.

Which is covered by TO INFINITY AND BEYOND.

I'd imagine it was covered by IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND but okay.

It is covered by both. You see, I'm an insurance agent along with a lawyer, doctor, real estate agent, travel agent, and part time mom in my spare time.

I'm a secret spy agent. An Agent of Secret Stuff, if you will.

YOU'RE ONE OF US!

SO YOU'RE NOT A S.I.N?

Nope, I'm an A.S.S.

Good, so we're on the same side.

Pikachu is kind of a rogue that reports to me though.

Oh, I know. Those Pokemon...I had a Diglet working for me a few years back. He dug himself into a very deep ditch.

I see, I see. I currently have a Diglett working for me. Goes by the code name "Dug Dug". I don't trust him though.

Now that we've determined we're on the same team...I can tell you anything, right?

That depends if you trust your teammates not to be moles...

I'M SORRY. I didn't know you were blind...

Please excuse us while we deal with a brief technical difficulty.

Thank you.

ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF BEING A MOLE?!

I'm not ACCUSING you, you just admitted it!!

Perhaps to the untrained ear, but I was accusing Dug-Dug of being a mole... you know, in the symbolic sense. Problem is, digletts can do stuff like create earthquakes and rockslides. And pikachu is weak against him, so... I need your help to see if Dug Dug is planning something.

Have you acquired the necessary evidence for the invasion? 

Hmmm. You'll have to be more specific. I'm planning at least three invasion plans right now.

The invasion against Dug-Dug. My team has acquired evidence of a compound in the suburbs of an undisclosed location.

I see. My intelligence squad hasn't been able to uncover anything leading to his base of operations. He is inside our agency, so I can watch him and see if anything slips. I can't confront him yet. Too many issues. Pikachu, however, probably knows more than I do. Ask him.

Pikachu is ignoring my text messages.

Yeah, he never turns on his phone these days. I'll tell him that you're looking to talk with him.

Uh oh. I think we've been misinformed. I just received news that another one of America's Most Wanted was in fact the one hiding out in a compound in the suburbs of an undisclosed location.

Well, that's not good. Might as well turn him in, though. Just to feel special. I got pikachu here now. Pikachu, do you have any hard evidence that Dug-Dug is, in face, a mole?

Pikachu: ...Pika pi.

No, not literally a mole. I mean, like a spy.

Pikachu: Pi!

He knows where Dug-Dug's peeps are hiding.

That's it, I'm calling the troops in. We're going on a mission.

I'm sorry.

Little did you know, by entering on this blog, you just submitted yourself to incomprehensible, enigmatic, melancholy, insidious, baffling entertainment. 


Have fun!